Finally!!! I have this to post. I'm not quite sure about it though... anyone who doesn't think that it's good, please tell me, and revisions will be made (ideas welcome!!)

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Chapter 10 The Wars of the Amish: The Wars Begin

1) Many Years passed in which the Amish ate of the bubblicious and drank of the coffee. 
2) And the Amish were isolated from the morons, but for the times that they rended asunder a careless one of God’s people.
3) But one day, Bob, a friend of ‘Jabedikial’s’, was pulling his plow through fields (tough they knew not why they were doing this ‘farming’ thing), and a group of morons walked along the road up to him.
4) And they said unto him, “Yo-yo-yo, what’s happening today wit your frrshizzle my nizzle?”
5) And Bob, being confused and having never heard such speech, dropped his plow and hid in the bushes.
6) The morons began to make noises as a chicken of illegitimate descent at him, and walked up to many other Amish, saying unto them, “Wat up my homey gee dawug?”
7) And all the Amish ran away.
8) Bob saw all of this, and was enraged. And as the morons approached the house of ‘Jebedikial’, Bob thought to himself, “I shall not allow them to attack my friend and neighbor!”
9) And so he rallied the Amish hiding in the fields, charging the three Morons, and throwing Bubblicious at them until the retreated to the roads, running from the Amish.
10) And the group of God’s chosen people feasted well that night, chewing of the Bubblicios and drinking of the coffee, and running in the fields naked, screaming until they passed out.
11) They took these happenings to the High Priest the next day, and he said, in his God-given Wisdom, “Snjla. Bfjidfonjkl v alnds vjkdlnsdlf allfkdmd!!!! Vnskn!”
12) And so the wars of the Amish and the Morons began, and would continue, for the Amish could abide the strange speech of the Morons no longer.
Here ends the reading... Amen!




Chapter 11 The Wars of the Amish: Writings on the Wall

1)The Morons, who had not appreciated being attacked with bubbliscious, sneaked into the fields of the Amish that night, and set loose all of the chickens, and scrawled designs upon the walls of the barn with spraypaint.
2)And, upon awakening the next morning, the Amish found themselves covered in chicken feathers, and screamed unto the Lord “Why, oh, why, Lord have you turned us into chickens?”
3)But upon standing up, the feathers fell off of them, and they all felt really stupid.
4)So, the Amish looked upon their barns and found the strange writings and the escaped chickens, and began to chase after the chickens in order to capture them.
5)Unfortunately, this only began the largest and longest-lived chicken stampede in the history of the Amish, which turned on and overtook the Amish, trampling them and disappearing into the horizon.
6) After regaining consciousness again, the Amish decided to look upon the scrawling on their barns.
7)And it read: “Watch it, hos!”
8)And the Amish were confused by this speech and prayed to God for deliverance.
9)Yoder... who resided in this barn, looked out the window at the prayers of the Amish. And he looked upon the scrawlings barn, and in rage, he grabbed the first thing he could find and hurled it with holy might upon the heads of the Amish.
10)It happened to be a dictionary.
11)And the Amish opened the book to discover the meaning of this strange speech. They determined that the Morons were warning the Amish to observe their primitive gardening tools.
12)And the Amish were confused by this speech, and prayed to God for deliverance.
13)And ...Yoder..., still enraged at he defacing of his property, hopped up and down with red face and shouted “SADGNFEWOAL!!!!!”
14)And the Amish were not confused by this strange speech and thanked God for deliverance.
15)The Amish now knew that the writings on the wall were a message from God to use the sacred gardening tools to defeat the Morons.
16)And so they rode their cow-and buggies into the sunset with an arsenal of rakes, hoes, and of course the holy watering cans, listening to the shouted wisdom of ...Yoder... in the distance…
Here ends the reading… Amen!




Chapter 12 The Wars of the Amish: The First Victory

1)And the Amish did walk for many days, travelinga long, long way.
2)They began to become tired of this quest to overthrow the Morons.
3)And so God made them wander in the fields for 40 years... and God remembered the story with the Jews in the desert and said... “GOOD TIMES... GOOD TIMES...”
4)But one day, while wnadering about searching desperately for coffee beans, Bob came upon a town of the Morons.
5)And he did rush back to the Morons and tell them of this discovery.
6)So all of the Amish did rush to the town and overthrow the government of the Morons and celebrated in victory, eating the coffee beans of the Morons and laughing at them.
7)And when the people of the United States did hear of this, they were outraged to have been defeated, and they all did say unto their most holy President, “We must strike back at these terrorists!!!”
8)And so the most holy President di respond unto them, “We will fight terror wherever it shows its ugly head.”
9)And was the National guard sent in and many people did complain that “thier little baby was sent away to fight the Amish.”
10)But it was too late, for the President was unwilling to lose against a bunch of farmers wielding watering cans.
11)And so the Morons fought back.
...Here ends the reading... Amen!




Chapter 13 The Wars of the Amish: Conk Them All

1)And the National Guard did own the Amish in battle, kicking the cows and pushing the Amish in the mud.
2)And the Amish did say to them: “You wait 'till we go tell our daddy on you!” and did run away crying.
3)The Morons didn't know that their daddy was the Holy Father, the Lord Almighty.
4)The Amish wished that they had the wisdom of Yoder to guide them now, but they decided that God's wisdom would have to suffice... sigh...
5)And so they pryaed to God... sigh... and God said unto them, “THOU SHALT CONK THE MORONS.”
6)And the Amish decided that they would reluctantly follow God's wisdom.
7)And so they ran with the pitchforks, sneaking up on the soldiers and conking them on the head! 
8)And the soldiers did conk them back. And so the amish conked harder. So the Soldiers conked back harder.
9)They all wound up unconscious.
10)And this fight did go on for many days at a stalemate of conking back and forth. It was dubbed “The Amish Conflict.”
...Here ends the reading... Amen!




Chapter 14: The Wars of the Amish: A Weakness Found

1)And one day, while coming out of the depths of unconsciousness, Bob saw that one of the Morons was picking up poo.
2)And Bob thought “Ewwwwwww.....”
3)But then he saw that it was not the poo of a moron, but the evil poo of an evil creature... one that obviously controled the morons, for why else would they pick up the poo of such an evil creature?
4)And this creature moved with evil grace and evil power, and his evil evilness was just so evil and evil... and the evil creature... was half a foot tall.
5)And it was called a cat.
6)And Bob brought this to God's attention... and God spaketh, “MY MOST ANCIENT ENEMY... THE LITTLE KITTIES...”
7)And the Amish launched an offensive against the little kitties, and saw that almost nothing worked against them.
8)They would climb the pitchforks and scratch painful marks on the arms... and they would use the hoes as scratching posts to sharpen their claws and scratch painful marks on their arms... and they would dodge the watering cans and scratch painful marks on their arms...
9)But one day it rained. And the Amish saw the little kitties run.
10)And little lightbulbs did appear above the heads of the Amish.
So they filled the watering cans, and did run at the kitties and pour water upon them, and the kitties were summarily defeated.
11)And all were merry and joyous, and they did eat of the coffee beans and ran through the fields, naked and screaming until they passed out.
12)Unfortunately, while they were all passed out, the Morons did steal their weapons in the night.
...Here ends the reading... Amen!




Chapter 15: The Wars of the Amish: A Happy Ending

1)And the Amish were dismayed at their loss at the holy gardening tools... so they resorted to throwing the bubbliscious at their enemies.
2)Every now and then, one would run away making the noises as of a chicken of illegitimate descent, but they were mostly unaffective.
3)So the Amish did retreat into the fields and found their way back to ...Yoder... and implored him for his wisdom... and found that he was an old man on his deathbed.
4)then the Amish remembered that they had travleled around in the desert for 40 years.
5)And Bob said, “No! You can't die!!!”
6)And they gave unto him a handful of coffee beans, and he ate of them.
7)And then ...Yoder... did become as Popeye and his muscles did things that no man's muscles could ever do, and they charged with the old ...Yoder... back to the town of the Morons to defeat them.
8)And the Morons still owned the Amish in battle.
9)Now the Amish did start to walk away crying when they heard a great rumbling of the ground.
10)And they looked at the horizon and saw a great cloud of dust that was growing.
11)Now if you will remember, the Amish had started a great Chicken stampede.
12)Well, chickens have a way of following the crowd, so for forty years, the chickens went around to various farms and got other chickens to join despite the chicken mothers saying “If the other chickens went into a McDonalds, would you do it?”
13)And at this particular time they came and trampled all the Morons in the Army, dashing them assunder... Accept the Marines. Because they're good like that.
14)And so the Amish did defeat the morons once and for all, for the most holy President did surrender and say “We will talk normally from now on... 'cept us people from Texass 'cuz we don't do none 'o dis here norterner stuff.”
15)And all were merry and joyous, and the Amish did eat of the coffee beans and run through the fields naked and screaming until they passed out.
...Here ends the reading... Amen!





 Back to Lost Book of the Bible:The Book of Amish
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 Go to Book of Amish 4
 Check out the BoA Awards at Book of Amish Awards and Honors